how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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