The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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