You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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