I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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