Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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