Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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