Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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