yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
