your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
