is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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