I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
