Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
