so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
