So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
