i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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