I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
