if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
