You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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