i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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