He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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