should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
