She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
