i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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