Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
