Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
