Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
