OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
