I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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