You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
