if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
