This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
