sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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