I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
