I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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