Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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