I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
