the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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