I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
