I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
