Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
