I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
