Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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