Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
