i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
