Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
