sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
