if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
