just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
