Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
