My sheets look like a crime scene.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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