Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
