how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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