So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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