Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
