It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
