Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
