the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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