This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Shame - the story of my life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
