I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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