Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
