Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize