He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
