Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
