i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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