I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
