just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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