My Higher Power is John Stamos
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
