Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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