If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
