I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
