it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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