So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
