apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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