Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
