nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
