he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
