Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
