dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize